10 Reasons I Fear Commitment in a Relationship


If you constantly feel stuck in your relationship or have this fear of commitment in that same relationship, then you may have issues with commitment. Moreover, this article will reveal some fear of commitment signs you should know.

Commitment can be a dreadful word to most people out there who wouldn’t waste time to think of the implications it causes. For many, it symbolizes loss, feelings of being stuck or controlled.

Committing to someone else involves considering their thoughts, feelings, and needs which implies a loss of your independence, especially from your normal activities or your decision-making pattern.

The fear of commitment in a relationship is often associated with feelings of frustration. And one who is fearful of this may experience fear, worry, stress, etc.

They continually beat up themselves for not being able to progress the relationship. So, that guilt comes in because they can see that they are hurting another person.

To overcome the fears you might be having, it is important to note some of these expert guides on the possible reasons you have this fear of commitment in a relationship. We will also be looking at some fear of commitment signs.

10 Reasons I Fear Commitment in a Relationship | Signs

“Why do I fear commitment in my relationship?” If you’re asking this question, then let’s look at some fear of commitment signs below.

1. Trust issues

When a relationship lacks trust, it breeds room for the development of harmful thoughts, actions, or disturbing emotions like suspicion, jealousy, etc. And all those negative vices lead to bigger problems over time.

These issues aforementioned are one major reason most people fear commitment in their relationships. So they wouldn’t want to end up getting hurt after sacrificing much for their partners without having those sacrifices reciprocated.

Due to the fear of not receiving the same measure one gives out, you might tend to withdraw from being committed to avoid being used in the long run which most times turns out to be mere imaginations that might never come into play.

In essence, trust issues are often a fear of commitment sign. Therefore, if you feel this way in your relationship, it’s an obvious sign that you fear commitment.

Keep reading: Reasons you should fall out of love fast

2. Not feeling good enough

This is mostly caused by a certain degree of low self-esteem which then comes to play in your relationship with your partner. It could also be as a result of the upbringing you were given while growing into a full-fledged adult.

And of course, upbringing goes a long way in shaping your thoughts, actions, speech, and your dealings with others. When these things are not rightly done, you grow up blaming yourself for the things you lack which makes you think you are not good enough.

So, the fear of commitment in a relationship might stem as a result of not feeling good enough for your partner because of your shortcomings. In essence, people that fall into this category had rather not be in a relationship at all or end up not being attentive to it.

3. Fear of intimacy

The fear of intimacy is characterized as the fear of sharing a close emotional or physical relationship with others. People who experience this may long for closeness and not necessarily avoid intimacy at such.

But frequently they tend to push people away from them or even destroy all that they’ve managed to build in their current relationship because of this said “fear.”

This fear is also accompanied by the inability to express your needs and wants from your loved one, poor communication skills, or avoidance of serious topics in your current relationship.

You might also have trouble trusting your partner with important matters going on in your life. So, this is undoubtedly part of the fear of commitment signs.

4. Loss of independence

One of the fear of commitment signs is loss of independence.

Individuals who value their independence more than a relationship are going to fear committing themselves to someone else. Most people wouldn’t want to be answerable to anyone or gum up their work trying to consider one’s feelings.

The independence of being able to eat the kind of food you want and at any time, playing your music out loud without bothering about the other person, or getting things yourself without having to consult anyone is what many wouldn’t want to jeopardize.

Being dependent on your partner or their feelings before taking some steps looks somewhat tiring. And one who holds independence so high wouldn’t want to delve into such a workload. This is because they will fear commitment in their relationship.

5. Fear of repeating mistakes

This could stem as a result of past relationships and the difficulties encountered. Were there always disagreements between you and your partner? Was there a lack of communication as a result of your negligence in your past relationships?

These factors pose a threat or try to hold you back from delving into a committed relationship with your current partner. However, you should note that mistakes are bound to happen from time to time. It only depends on your willingness to make amends and overcome this fear that causes you to make more mistakes.

Repeating mistakes could happen as a result of psychological and neurological issues. Your brain produces neurons that gravitate towards familiar paths which makes it difficult to change your learned behavior.

But once you recognize these familiar patterns in your relationship, employ small steps to change them. This might pose a difficult task at first but with consistency, the new steps become the normal pattern resulting in healthier and happier relationships.

6. Loss of freedom

You’ll agree with me that loss of freedom is another fear of commitment sign that applies to many. It’s understandable on days you want to just party with the big boys or hang out with your best friends without your partners joining in.

Those days when you feel like sleeping all day and not calling to check up on your partner to know how they are doing. After all, it is just one day and wouldn’t matter to them right?

Not regarding the fact that all these are naturally what anyone would consider before being in a relationship, you shouldn’t let it linger too long or hinder you from committing to your partner. This is because most times they are just mere thoughts that never come into play.

But come to think of it, What freedom are you losing? Is it the freedom to date other people? Don’t you think you are putting the cart before the horse? A Relationship wouldn’t start until you have tried giving it your all before you can now decide to continue if your partner is suitable for you or not.

Read more: What is having sex with your best friend like?

7. Loss of sexual intimacy with others

If your mind hasn’t been made up on actually being with just one lover, then you might still be stuck in the river of indecisiveness. Individuals under this category may want to experience intimacy with others even while in a relationship.

But the moment they realize it would be a difficult thing, they tend to lose interest and blame it all on commitment. So it is glaring that one of the reasons people have fear of commitment in a relationship is because they know that the moment they are in, their freedom to have multiple sexual partners is limited to just their current partner.

See also: Unequivocal reasons why men pull out in a relationship

8. Fear of disappointments

This happens when one comes into a relationship with lots of expectations, guidelines, how things should be done, etc. And maybe, in the long run, he/she ends up experiencing something different or not even close to their expectations at all. They may end up feeling unsatisfied and wouldn’t want to give their best efforts to see to the smooth running is such a relationship.

Indeed the fear of disappointments is another fear of commitment sign.

9. Fear of abandonment

According to Masini, this fear can loom so large, that people fear commitment because they are afraid that the relationship will be so good. And that when their partner abandons them, it will be unbearably painful. This kind of abandonment issue can create a fear of commitment.

So they end up being half-witted in the relationship with claims that they wouldn’t lose much if it happens not to turn out the way they expected. They do this not realizing that this fear alone is what kills off their zeal to commit in any relationship they delve into thereby causing a negative toll on them. Most times, they realize these things too late!

Read more: Things to do in a long distance relationship

10. Anxiety disorders

If you have any type of anxiety disorder, you may struggle to maintain a healthy relationship due to the constant anxious feelings about yourself and how other people perceive you.

Anxiety disorders breed a negative impact on a person’s relationships with friends, family members, or romantic partners. It involves excessive worrying, heightened stress, and a fear of negative experiences that might occur later on. These feelings, might lead to irrational thoughts that can impact how a person views their relationships or even commit to them properly.

There are two main ways that anxiety makes maintaining healthy relationships difficult – dependence and avoidance. Some people with a generalized anxiety disorder may desire close bonds with their peers and try too hard to please others.

Others may want detachment, which closes themselves off from friends and family members. So these reasons aforementioned are barriers that most people see and tend to let the fear of commitment linger far too long in their hearts.


Everyone goes through one difficult thing or the other once in a while. But if the fear of commitment is what you are facing right now, then it’s fine. No one is judging you or trying to make you feel bad!

Just take your time to go through the reasons you face the fear of commitment right now. There is still room for improvement.

Forget about the past and thoughts of its reoccurrences. Just try to focus on your current situation and the present moment. Watch for improvements but remember that slow progress is still progress.

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