Why Do People Love Hate Relationship


No doubt, some of us have been through a love hate relationship. Moreover, loving someone and genuinely falling for them is such a wonderful feeling and somewhat indescribable. This person tends to make you feel complete that you could take a bullet for them. 

But what about those points you feel like calling it quits and walking out of the relationship? That moment you can’t take it anymore and need enough breathing space?

Maybe amidst these feelings, you still find yourself stuck to that relationship against your wish. These mixed feelings of love and hate towards your partner are what is called the love hate relationship.

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What is a Love Hate relationship?

Is there such a thing as loving and hating someone at the same time and also maintaining a relationship with them? Seriously, it takes a melancholic feeling to be in a love hate relationship as such that you could switch from one mood to the other. 

A love hate relationship not only happens between lovers but also can be seen amongst friends, siblings, relatives, etc. However, our focal point would be mainly on romantic relationships.

In a relationship between two intending adults, it is normal to have a rise in anger, feelings of hate from time to time. And this happens especially when you get stuck in an argument. 

But in some cases, these issues may carry on more often or longer than expected. And instead of considering breaking up, you think that you are growing stronger with your partner in that relationship – watch out! 

You might have fallen into a love hate relationship. A relationship so liberating yet draining, seemingly exciting yet so tiring. Passionate but so aggressive at a point leaving you with the rhetorical question– why do I hate being in a relationship? Meanwhile, here are some reasons you fear commitment in a relationship.

A love hate relationship is an intense topic. A relationship where you are connected to a particular individual whom half of your time is spent fighting with him/her. 

Someone you admire so much but you hate the way they act towards you or hate the way they act when they are in public. You love him but hate the arguments and can’t help but get used to it. 

Whatever the specific details of your love-hate situation, the signs are always the same; intense love mixed with a lot of hatred with an intense desire that someday things would change for the better. You feel so powerless against your love and helpless under your hate.

Are you in a love hate relationship?

Do you wish to differentiate love hate relationship from the usual lovers’ quarrel? Here are simple signs to help you figure out if you are in a love and hate relationship:


The first obvious sign of a love and hate relationship is arguments. You are in a love and hate relationship when mere fights between you and your partner are somewhat taken to a heightened level. 

It is normal for couples to have arguments but you and your partner always take it to the extreme which leads to breaking up and coming back to them after a few days. So, this cycle continues in an on-and-off manner of arguments, breakup, and reconciliation.

When you can’t take it anymore

As the saying goes, love is patient. Not patient enough to the extent of always tolerating your partner and the pitiful patterns to which your relationship with them has turned into. 

Therefore, if you can’t take it anymore then you should call it quits and fix yourself. This is undoubtedly another sign of a love hate relationship.

No deep connections

If you don’t have deep connections with your partner, you’re obviously in a love and hate relationship. This is when you have no problems connecting to your partner intimately and sexually. 

But the moment it comes to discussing life goals and plans, misunderstandings creep in. When you can’t discuss your short and long-term goals with your partner, what more is there to the relationship?

Grudges and unresolved issues

Another sign you’re in a love and hate relationship is grudges. Here, you constantly feel baggage of unresolved issues that might be contributing to your love hate relationship. Again, when you keep getting a hunch that these issues would end up only making things unbearable for you.

You always pacify your anger and don’t talk about it 

This is when you realize the hate you both have for yourselves but have no guts to confront it. You always let the issues slide and wallow in hate until you start from where you left before.

Talking behind their backs

You can’t bring yourself to have a proper conversation with your partner but you prefer to say things behind their backs. Could this be a usual lover’s quarrel? Is it the proper way to vent your frustration and problems?

Unnecessary fights on who is right/wrong

Imagine fighting for and against what you think is right or wrong, making out after the fight, and feeling guilty of not being satisfied in that same relationship? Are the fights giving you a temporary release of frustrations?

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What Should I Watch Out For in My Love and Hate Relationship?

Here are important signs to watch out for and what to do about your love and hate relationship:

1. You’re a classic on-again, off-again couple.

It’s understandable that most couples enjoy bickering, arguments, and even fighting at some point but they don’t break up every week. 

But if you and your partner are constantly in a state of breaking up and making up, then it’s time to take a serious look at what such a relationship is doing to your well-being.

2. You don’t trust the next moment

This is when you love your partner so much but hate one thing about them with so much intensity that you go bizarre. Even at times when things seem to be moving on fine, you just don’t trust the moment. 

And in one way or the other, you feel the next moment would go back to the issues you’ve always encountered with your partner. It could also happen when you love your partner so much but wish something was different than the way they currently are to you. 

In essence, it is so unstable and it makes you feel insecure with an unrelaxed mind. So, this is the part where you get so clingy to them in love but push them away later on in hatred.

3. You’re almost always complaining about your partner to friends.

No friendship or relationship is perfect. And once in a while, we all need a friend we could talk to and vent out all our problems to for possible solutions. But if it becomes the new habit that you are always complaining to them, it is a big sign that things are not moving on fine. 

So when you notice that you can’t brace up to fix it with your partner or can’t leave either, then you are stuck in a love hate web. Complaints upon complaints now become the new normal.

4. You are aware that you aren’t in a healthy situation.

Here you are aware of all the reasons you shouldn’t be together but you keep on wallowing in those imaginations that someday things would turn out better than it is currently. 

At this point you find yourself thinking about how much you’ve invested in the relationship and why it’s too late to leave. And somehow you love the thrill your thoughts give you. 

In conclusion, it makes you lose confidence in initiating a breakup or leaving the danger zone. Hence, another thing to watch out for in your love and hate relationship. 

5. Your friends start speaking up.

“Are you going to meet him again?”

“Don’t tell me you would give her another chance?”

“You fight so much yet you make out with him?”

The truth is hard to deny and difficult to take in. The moment our loved ones, friends, and strangers start pointing out the dangers of your relationship to you, they just want to help. 

Most times, people tend to see red flags from a distance more than you that is involved in it. And at this point, you should try to listen to them instead of denying the truth.

6. You can’t stand them yet can’t stop thinking about them.

More like a high obsession dominating a love hate relationship. A phase where you are in love and can’t help but think about your partner all day. And then the second phase is where you are hating him/her all day and how much they make you go crazy. 

So in essence, they are always in your thoughts and tend to occupy your mind’s eye. This then makes it much more difficult for you to determine what you want from such a relationship.

7. You are just confused

A toxic or unstable relationship leaves you wondering what exactly the problem is. Whereas, a healthy and balanced relationship doesn’t leave room for insecurities and lack of confidence to confront issues beyond control. 

In a love hate relationship, you wouldn’t be able to decide if you want to remain with your partner or if you want them out of your lives as soon as possible. It’s more like a “Frenemy” that is straight-up confusing.

What Should I Do About My Love Hate Relationship?

• Pay attention to the clearest situations.

To tackle this love hate relationship thing, it is paramount you stay true to your feelings once they come by. 

That situation that feels the truest or that moment you can say “this is the height of it” yes! That is the moment to make a quick decision. 

As much as you can, try to cut yourself off or make plans to put it into a healthier state other than what it has always been.

• Fight better. 

It wouldn’t always be easy figuring out the best way to fight. Throwing shoes, breaking television screens, and punching your woman is one way to encourage more fights. 

Instead, devise means to resolve the issues leading to those fights.

• Cultivate healthy relationships

Being in a relationship with your partner shouldn’t stop you from keeping meaningful friendships with others. When you cultivate a healthy friendship with others, it facilitates your quickness in knowing when to leave a toxic relationship. 

In this case, you would be able to differentiate a normal quarrel from a Love hate entanglement.

Also read: Things to do in a long distance relationship

Bottom Line

Love hate relationships tend to offer both negative and positive sides rather than a steady flow. It takes a toll on your mental health and can be hard to break off from if you lack confidence. 

But then, when you realize you are caught in the web of such a relationship, it is important to reach out to people for help. In essence, set boundaries on what you truly want and stick to them.

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